Love

 

Welcome to my Blog.
Im beginning to write really to put into words how i feel and make sense of who i am. In no way do i want to push my views out there but maybe give us a comment if you feel.

Love

I remember someone saying to me once that I am always running away and didn’t have the balls to face up and fight for my relationships, that i would grow old on my own. What they did not know though and what I hide was the fact i had been battling in my mind for months on how can we make this better or even more so how can i get out of this with as little hurt as possible. All i could see was a life of arguments and and a life without the one who was truly meant for me and being deprived of walking down the promenade at 80 years old holding the hand of my soul mate. Maybe i was scared of the fact my home was gonna end up the same as when i was growing up, which was always filled with violence and manipulative mind games.

More on that in my next blog.

Yes i ran and i ran as fast as i could leaving a trail of broken promises behind and maybe a few broken hearts whilst pushing that self destruct button as hard as i could until my next victim came along, I say victim but she was always going to be the one, my Disney Fairy tail and my happy ending and my soul mate. But flaws and cracks always appear and my happy ending was getting further and further away. I guess the honeymoon period had ended and the rose tinted glass no longer hid the fact we was on different paths and had different beliefs. Not that there was anything wrong with them it’s just the fact they was finally being themselves instead of how i wanted them to be and the realisation of looking in to their eyes for the rest of my life was no longer an option so once again i’d run.

(You can put two good people together and make a bomb)

Is the grass greener now? Well all grass is green until you have walked on it countless times and when it dies it’s time to move to the next field. Is being single better than being in a relationship. No but being single beats being with the wrong person.

Have i ever been in love YESSS and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Imagine holding someones hand all night every night for years or coming home to special notes laying around the house and a deep understanding that can only be seen or understood by just the two of you. Imagine being in the car and holding her thigh with a deep grip or squeezing each others hands until they sweat and not having to say a word because you dont have too and then imagine it coming to an end The feeling cuts deeper than any knife ever could and i could just imagine every god up there who made it happen are screaming how, what, why…….. (I ask myself this everyday).

When a love is that deep it affects people in different ways for some they hold on to you so tight and do everything to make sure they’re not going to lose you, and in essence take away everything they loved about you in the beginning away, because them good qualities become an insecurity to them. They want to keep you in a bubble and not let anyone else come close to you. Every girl becomes a threat and a night away with the lads or a break alone becomes impossible because the stories that are made up in there mind are going to come true and it eats them up to the point of insanity and therefore in turn destroys them and also destroys you.

Thats all i want to say on that if im honest.

(I believe in soul mates)

Where am i now? Well im not out every weekend trying to shag everything in a skirt or saying yes to everyone on Tinder. Yes im a stripper but stripper aint short for slag. (Well not in my case anyways) this surprises people because if i had a penny for every time someone says to me and i quote “Bet you get loads of offers, Bet your shagging all the time, bet you could have anyone you want”.

Is any of that true NOOOO because pointless sex is just pointless and is no more satisfying to me than watching porn. And would i really want to sleep with someone that wants to sleep with a stripper within the first hour of meeting them NOOOO.

Im not looking for anything for once in my life. These people who go from relationship to relationship breaking hearts and leaving a trail of destruction behind them with their broken promises. Take a minute to stop blaming everyone else for it failing and ask yourself do i need to find myself and more importantly take your time.

My Conclusion

If i don’t find my Disney you will find me on a beach somewhere hot with a sangria on tap and my guitar in hand.

Dont let anyone clip your wings

xx

 

Comments (13)

  • Hev Reply

    It show’s you’ve been cut deep by the songs you sing. You come out stronger…eventually! Nice to see another layer of you in your blog.
    Never give up on Disney lol she’s out there!!

    26th September 2016 at 5:48 pm
    • sodit Reply

      thank youuu xx

      26th September 2016 at 9:47 pm
  • Emma Reply

    Wow you are so right Hun.
    You have such insight into yourself and your surroundings.
    Your very centred and in tune with everything.
    You are man enough to own up to your issues,mistakes and apologise for the hurt you have caused.
    No one can ever ask for more,your true friends are very lucky to know you and acquaintances are lucky to have you pass through their lives.
    You can tell by meeting people if they are ready to sleep around or hold themselves with respect and dignity

    26th September 2016 at 6:23 pm
    • sodit Reply

      Thank you sooo much for your kind words xx

      26th September 2016 at 9:45 pm
  • Becky Campbell Reply

    Wow your words speak so true, answers a lot of my questions that I’ve struggled to find answers to, I give up searching for love as i always get left disappointed, what am i searching for?? After two failed relationships in my life up to now its time to enjoy me, be with friends and family and get use to my own company, When love is right it will happen, no rush xx

    26th September 2016 at 7:32 pm
    • sodit Reply

      I dont think anyone knows what they’re searching for until they find it. Deffo enjoy yourself but more importantly find yourself before you let anyone else in xx

      26th September 2016 at 9:44 pm
  • Kim Reply

    Well all I can say Conna is I met you on Saturday night and we had a great Conversation, yes you sang and you stripped but in the end you chattered and you were you !!!! Some people can’t see past the show and flirting !! Beauty is skin deep xxx

    27th September 2016 at 12:56 pm
    • sodit Reply

      thank you for your kind words. Hope to meet you all again xx

      28th September 2016 at 11:29 pm
  • Danelle Reply

    Can’t believe I have only just read this XXX breaking up us never easy your so right XXX you know I’ll always be proud of you and I know your soul mate is out there you have a lovely soul XXX your paths will meet when you least expect she is probably on that beach also drinking sangria and holding a guitar waiting for you XXX

    14th December 2016 at 5:57 pm
    • Conna Reply

      Thank youuu so much. think the important thing is never settle for second best and live life to the full. have a great christmas xxx

      23rd December 2016 at 9:54 pm
    • Danelle Reply

      When I replied to this I was in the middle of a relationship that I thought nothing could break having to wait for someone else to make the desccion for us to have no choice to go our separate ways now that I’m back at home I’ll never go back but the hurt never goes away .and the worst of it I know that he is going to come back in to my life and hurt me all over again because I know he won’t let it rest xx

      27th March 2017 at 12:35 am
      • Conna Reply

        we will not let this happen. If at all it does you have people behind you now. We are only a phone call away. So keep strong and any trouble we will be there xx

        27th March 2017 at 6:03 pm
        • Danelle Reply

          Thank you
          So much xx

          28th March 2017 at 8:32 pm

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